It is a sad fact of life that most businesses that start up in the security industry fall flat on their noses at the first hurdle. This is usually at the two-year point, when the first tax bill arrives.
After you have read the amount to pay, and picked yourself up off the floor, panic sets in. You realize you have got everything you need — new computers, new van, new drills, new ladders — so what could possibly be missing? Customers and profit are the usual culprits. Now is the time to go cap-in-hand to your bank manager to sign over your mortgage, followed by a trip to your more successful rival with a job application.
Driving your business into the floor is a relatively easy process, but here are a few simple ways of ensuring you fail.
Setting up:
Never skimp on buying all the latest tools, gadgets, and computers before starting. It’s only money, the mortgage can wait, and, best of all, it’s all off-settable against tax, and you don’t have to pay that for two years. Don’t forget, every (un)successful business started with a very healthy overdraft.
Advertising:
Never consult an advertising guru. Theose guys are a waste of time, and the money they charge is better spent on even more new tools or gadgets. So, whatever you do, don’t advertise — no leaflets, no newspaper advertising, don’t even think about sign-writing your van. After all, you don’t want every Tom, Dick, and Harry to know who you are and what you do.
Sign-writing your van:
If you positively must paint your wagon then don’t make it easy for the reader, so never list all your skills like burglar alarms, CCTV systems, access control, or fire alarms. Think up a self-inflating title like “security practitioner” or, of course, “consultant” — that’s always a good one. No one would ever think that a security consultant would roll up his sleeves and actually fit a system.
Telephones:
You have a land line — keep it to yourself! Make your customers use the mobile number. It is more expensive, and you stand a good chance of lost calls and poor reception. Better still, go get yourself an 0844 high rate call number to plaster all over your van, and then get that transferred to your mobile. Don’t forget to have the mobile turned off so that the call goes direct to the voicemail and you don’t have to answer it. This is a triple whammy — it costs your customer money, it hides your location and identity, and it saves you wasting time answering the phone when you could be at the pub sinking a well-earned pint.
By the way, always go to the pub in your nice, new, sign-written van. That way the local crime prevention officers always know where to find you — and the same goes for the local traffic division. We simply have to keep in touch with the local police, and what’s a few points on your licence between friends?
24-hour cover:
Who in his right mind wants to offer 24-hour cover? If the punter is bright enough to buy a system off you he should know that a man in your position has better things to do of an evening. After all, you have just had a hard day at home waiting for the phone to ring and worrying where your next pint is coming from. They can’t expect you to stay at home and worry all evening as well!
Liability insurance:
Don’t bother, it’s too expensive. It’s bad enough that you have to get the van insured to prevent being pulled over at every corner. Paying for liability insurance is just too much. You can get the cheap tradesman’s cover. Then if you brain somebody by dropping your battery drill on his head when he walks under the ladder you are covered — not for much, but you are covered.
On the other hand, when are you going to need the full efficacy cover? You are never going to make a mistake on an installation that would cause a system failure. You are never going to skimp on the system to get the price down. You are never going to give the customer poor advice, and no burglar is ever going to pit his feeble wits against your superior system, is he?
Anyway, what can they do if you get sued? If they sell your house, van, tools, and your favourite videogames just to pay off the lawsuit you can always go and live with the mother-in-law. It’s really not that bad getting nagged in stereo, and the dole money will cover your bar bill.
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